Q&A with Kristen Wilkerson: Speaking to the Unique Experiences of Moms

Q • In this research, we see that most pastors think of women’s ministry and children’s ministry / childcare as ministry to moms. Many mothers, however, desire ministry and programs that are specifically for them. Why is it important to not paint moms—and ministry to them—with a broad brush?

A • As a pastor and a mom of three young kids and one on the way, even just this last year I’ve gone through a challenging time of motherhood with one of my children. I recognized the need for this (specific ministry to moms) and how it’s important to understand that moms go through seasons.

You do have the moms of preschoolers who are in the “life is chaotic, and I’m just trying to hold it together” stage. But then you’ve got moms whose kids are growing up and going through big changes. They’re wondering how to navigate all of the questions. [For one mom it’s] her kid won’t eat chicken nuggets anymore. [For another mom, it’s] her kid talking about social media.

This is where small groups can come into play. I think small groups need to have specific focuses for moms so that the women in your church feel like they can go and be with someone who understands what they’re going through or can be a shoulder for them while going through it. These small-setting ministries are necessary for moms.

Q • Nearly one in four Christian moms is dissatisfied with their church. What unique needs and experiences among moms might leaders be overlooking?

A • I actually think that the issue isn’t so much about our ministries and more of our lack of multi-generational churches.

This is kind of a different idea, but I think a lot of our churches today can be divided generationally. We’ve got all of these new church plants; my church is one of them. We don’t have a lot of older men and women of God in our community yet. And that’s something that we’re aware of and asking God, “How can we do this? How can we serve? How can this be a church that the grandmas and the babies can be at?”

[Because] it’s one thing for me to sit down and talk with one of my peers, one of my best friends about what’s going on. It’s another thing to call “sister Pat” from my mom and dad’s church who’s 75, has raised kids, has prayed through and has grandkids that she’s praying through. There’s “I’m with you.” Then, there’s wisdom. “I’m on the other side, and here’s how you go through these seasons.”

This mentorship, this spiritual mothering is lacking in our churches today. [Even beyond this], there’s a lack of depth in spiritual maturity in our churches. Having wise voices would transform a generation that’s being taught by social media.

Q • How does vibrant ministry to moms benefit a church? How does it benefit a mother?

A • Let’s be honest, for some moms just getting to church can be a place of burnout. So, when a mom is poured into and she’s receiving, she knows, “I didn’t get my kids out of the house and go through all of this for nothing. I know that I’m getting poured into. I know that I’m going to be refreshed.”

Proverbs [11:25] talks about how those who are refreshed, refresh others. The whole church feels the impact of a refreshed mother. She’s able to have the strength to lead her home with a little more endurance and perseverance. And you see it on all levels in your church—serving, small groups, attendance, discipleship.

When a mom’s poured into, there’s a legacy that’s built onto it. So, you may not even see it right now in your churches or when you have this Moms’ Night or this Women’s Night. But what’s happening is this generational blessing that, 10 years down the road—because mom was taken care of—her sons and her daughters are big parts of the church, building the Church.

Kristen's Reminder to Mothers:

God didn’t make a mistake when he made you the mother of your children. He knew exactly the kind of mom that they needed. It’s not just that he gave you those kids. He gave those kids you as their mother.

As a young mom, I remember crying and thinking, “Who’s going to take care of me?” Here I am caring for this little one-week-old baby asking, “God, how am I going to do this? How are you going to help me?” And I felt the Holy Spirit pull me in close and say, “Everything you need to be a mom, I’ve already placed within you.”

As a woman, when we’re born, all of our eggs are already in the womb with us. Which is just an unbelievable idea when you think of how creative and extravagant God is. The DNA to make up that child 26 years down the road, when I was born, it was already in me. So, even scientifically, everything I needed to be a mom was there.

With God’s help, we can do it. He is always good to provide the wisdom, the strength, the endurance, and he knows how to raise our kids better than we do. Trust that he’s given you those children, and he’s given them you as their mother. You’re doing better than you think you are.

Kristen Wilkerson is a pastor, speaker, writer, wife, mother and—above all—an encourager. She enjoys speaking life into others, inspiring and challenging them to live out their God-given purpose. Kristen and her husband, Taylor Wilkerson, lead Trinity New York.

kristenwilkerson.com