The June State of the Church release produced in partnership with Gloo explored the overall well-being of today’s pastors, revealing both encouraging strengths and areas for growth. While pastors demonstrate high flourishing scores in faith, finances and vocation, Barna research uncovers some patterns worth noting: half of all pastors receive no professional support, and their lowest flourishing scores appear in areas where human connection matters most—relationships and well-being.

This month, we’re diving deeper into these relational foundations that shape pastoral life. We’ll examine the unique pressures of ministry on pastors’ marriages and parenting, as well as opportunities for supporting pastors more effectively. As you’ll see, a pastor’s relational health directly influences their ministry effectiveness and the communities they serve.

Understanding the Dimensions of Flourishing

In this two-part series, when we talk about “flourishing,” we're referring to how individuals score on the essential components of a flourishing life: relationships, vocation, finances, health and faith. These areas are each scored on a scale of 0 to 100. In previous research, these are called Barna’s five dimensions of flourishing.

Based on work from the Harvard Center for Human Flourishing and in collaboration with Gloo, we’ve expanded our human flourishing framework to now look at seven dimensions of whole-person well-being: faith, relationships, purpose, health (mental and physical), finances, character and contentment. »Explore the seven dimensions of human flourishing you’ll see in future State of the Church research.

This content is part of Barna's State of the Church initiative, produced in partnership with Gloo.

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Relational Health Is a Blindspot for Pastors

Before we dive into the relationships of today’s pastors, let’s first look at some key demographics based on Barna’s recent survey of over 500 Protestant senior pastors in the United States:

- Generally, pastors are married and have children. Nine in 10 pastors have a spouse (91%) and children (90%).

- The average pastor has been married for 25 years.

- One in three pastors (34%) have grandchildren.

- Just 3 percent of U.S. pastors have never been married.

As we revealed last month, relationships are pastors’ weakest point in personal flourishing—but many don’t recognize this as an area for growth.

Based on our data, pastors score 67 (out of 100) in relational flourishing, while practicing Christians score 85. This means that many congregants in U.S. churches are likely experiencing a greater sense of friendship and community than the pastors leading them.

This is a major gap in pastors’ lives and support systems. However, they may be unaware (or unconcerned) that their relational health is falling behind.

As an example, when asked what kind of resources would be most beneficial to them, over half of pastors (57%) choose leadership development, while just over a quarter (28%) says they would most benefit from resources related to their relationships.

Though flourishing scores suggest pastors need to strengthen their relational contentment and satisfaction, pastors may not seek or prioritize this kind of guidance.

Curious how other pastors' are prioritizing their relational well-being? Discover how Mike Kelsey, lead pastor at McLean Bible Church, guards the relational health of his marriage and family in this candid conversation.

Strengths & Weaknesses of Pastors’ Households

Overall, pastors report safe, peaceful, encouraging and faithful family dynamics—but they also note clear areas for improvement in their home lives. Here is a summary of some of the strengths and weaknesses pastors recognize:

Where Families Excel – The top five areas pastors feel their families are strong in are …

- Celebrating each other’s achievements (82%)

- Having belonging in a faith community (78%)

- Living peaceably with one another (76%)

- Having a healthy and visible faith (72%)

- Expressing gratitude toward one another (71%)

Room for Growth – The top five areas pastors see room for improvement as a family are …

- Maintaining good physical health (46%)

- Exhibiting patience with each other (32%)

- Expressing emotions in a healthy way (32%)

- Talking together about what God is doing in their lives (31%)

- Financial health and stability (31%)

Some of these observations align with patterns in pastors’ flourishing scores. The desire for better physical health as a household, for example, tracks with pastors’ well-being score (69), which falls behind the general population (73) and practicing Christians (79).

These insights reveal that, while pastors’ families excel at creating supportive, faith-centered environments, they tend to face challenges in maintaining overall health under the pressures of ministry life. Addressing growth areas like communications skills, emotional intelligence and holistic well-being could strengthen not only their household but also their broader relationships.

Even with Strong Marriages, Pastors Feel the Pressures of Ministry

Most pastors report strong marriages, with 76 percent saying it’s very true that their spouse is their best friend. Additionally, more than half say it’s very true that their spouse understands their struggles (53%) and they communicate with their spouse in an open, healthy manner (52%).

Yet ministry creates unique pressures that strain even strong relationships. Nearly half of pastors affirm “I feel a sense of guilt about the impact my ministry has on my marriage” (7% very true, 37% somewhat true). About half of pastors also agree with the statement, “I worry my spouse feels more pressure to behave a certain way due to my role” (16% very true, 32% somewhat true).

One likely source of this ministry guilt is public pressure. Pastors often give marital guidance to others, whether in sermons or in counseling, and thus might feel like their own marriages need to appear struggle-free. Pastors’ spouses might also feel expectations, even unspoken ones, to be especially active in church and maintain appearances, which weighs on both partners.

Pastors’ Primary Parenting Difficulties

Parents are feeling the weight of raising children today, and pastors are no different. In fact, they often face distinct challenges in raising children that extend beyond typical parenting concerns.

Most notably, pastors struggle with helping their kids interpersonally. Nearly a third of pastors (30%) says this is a challenge regarding their children—and one they face more often than parents in the general population (17%).

Managing financial stress tops the list of personal parenting challenges pastors say they’re currently facing (32%). This is significant considering pastors generally feel financially stable, based on their flourishing scores in finances.

Technology is also a concern. Similar proportions of pastors say “managing my own screen time or technology use” (31%) and “managing my children’s technology use” (27%) are difficult as a parent. Pastors are much more likely than parents in the general population to feel conflicted about their own tech usage (31% vs. 12%).

Mental health concerns also weigh heavily, with 27 percent identifying “addressing my own mental health and self-care” as a significant challenge, while 21 percent also note challenges with “navigating my children’s anxiety.”

Again, we see how ministry adds complexity to these relationships. More than half of pastors (55%) admit they worry their parenting is judged because of their role, while 56 percent worry their children feel pressure to behave a certain way. Additionally, 86 percent say it’s true that they worry about culture’s impact on their children’s faith.

Pastors Seek Mentorship on a Personal, But Rarely Professional, Level

When it comes to support outside of the connections that form through marriage and parenting, where do pastors stand? For the most part, pastors do receive some degree of mentorship—but it appears much of this is at a personal level, rather than professional help.

Most pastors report receiving personal spiritual support from their network of peers or a mentor, with responses ranging from “once or twice a month” (33%) to “several times a month or more often” (29%). Digging deeper, though, it’s likely that much of this guidance is informal and could take the form of friendly advice from fellow leaders or others close to them.

Most pastors (85%) tell Barna they have someone to confide in who is not their spouse or partner, but the likelihood of having a confidant decreases as pastors age (92% of pastors under age 40 have a confidant vs. 78% of pastors ages 60+).

While these informal connections provide some support, their effectiveness can vary widely, making a mix of personal and professional guidance key.

You’ll recall from our June State of the Church release that half of pastors (52%) don’t utilize professional services like a therapist, counselor or spiritual advisor. Furthermore, just one in five pastors (22%) says they have a personal mentor, and one in 10 (11%) has a professional mentor. Less than one in five (17%) has a spiritual advisor.

This professional support gap becomes especially concerning when viewed alongside Barna’s research on mental health and loneliness among pastors.

Without intentional investment in both peer relationships and professional development, pastors risk perpetuating cycles of isolation that ultimately impact both their personal well-being and effectiveness in ministry.

5 Opportunities to Better Support Pastors

As the research reveals, there are several opportunities to care for pastors in ways that can have a meaningful impact on their personal flourishing and ministry.

For Spouses, Don’t Underestimate the Power of a Supportive Partner

When pastors feel their spouse understands their struggles, they are nearly 40 percentage points more likely to say it’s very true that they feel supported by their spouse in their role. Deep understanding from a spouse makes a lasting difference that extends beyond the marriage to a pastor’s vocational well-being.

For Churches, Establish Marriage Support Systems for Your Pastor

Pastors’ marriages rarely receive counsel or support. Just 28 percent of pastors tell Barna that their church provides any support system for their marriage, yet 75 percent think it would be at least somewhat beneficial to have such support. Nearly all married pastors who have received church support for their marriage found it valuable (49% very beneficial, 38% somewhat beneficial).

For Pastors, Prioritize Life Balance in Your Closest Relationships

Many pastors don’t feel confident that they spend enough time and attention with their spouse—and feel the weight of this lack. Only 28 percent of pastors say it’s very true that they’re satisfied with how much time they can dedicate to their marriage. And the more pastors struggle with life balance, the more guilt they carry about ministry’s impact on their marriage.

Having children under age 18 adds another layer of complexity. ​​Pastors with children under 18 are significantly more likely to express dissatisfaction with the amount of attention they can give their spouse. This struggle may be typical of parents with kids under 18 in general, but it’s likely exacerbated by the encroachment of pastoral duties.

Address the Professional Support Gap

Over half of pastors admit they don’t currently use any professional sources of support and guidance—including mentors, advisors, coaches or counselors. Men in ministry are more likely to fall short here, with 60 percent of male pastors using none of these options compared to 32 percent of female pastors.

Foster Continued Spiritual Support

One area showing consistent progress is spiritual support for pastors. The percentage of pastors who frequently receive spiritual support is trending upward. From 2023 to 2024, the proportion of pastors getting personal spiritual support from mentors or peer networks climbed 10 percentage points (from 19% to 29%). This trend is especially pronounced among female pastors, rising from 57 percent to 75 percent in just two years.

Ministry is deeply rewarding but also deeply relational—and that’s where many pastors quietly struggle. One powerful way to support the pastors you know and love is to treat them as a person first, not just a leader. As the Church works to strengthen pastoral flourishing, the path forward is clear: pastors need what they are called to faithfully offer others—authentic relationships, consistent support and the assurance that they are known, valued and cared for not just as shepherds but as whole human beings on their own faith journey.

This article draws from Barna’s new report, The Relationships of Today’s Pastors. You can read the report today on Barna Access Plus.